Friday, May 1, 2009

Personalities and Family Traits

As if my desk wasn't piled high enough with books to read, I got three new ones in the mail. I order a lot of books from Amazon. These were out of desperation. I started the first one immediately.

Don't get me wrong. Noah is a sweetheart. He is very loving and so polite at times, saying please and thank you from the time he was very small, without really being prompted to do so. He can be a dream smart and attuned to the feelings of others. He is loving and will just out of the blue say "I love you mommy!" and he is free with his hugs and kisses. But there are times when he can be very strong-willed and demanding. Especially when we go somewhere; church, town, someplace we are suppose to be quiet...

My girls were easy...With Lauren, I just had to look at her and she obeyed. The slightest hint that she shouldn't do something and she didn't do it. She was quiet and sat very still when we would go places like church or a doctors office. I would even take her with me to college classes at times, and she stayed very quiet and still, coloring or just listening.

Megan was easy also. I did have to do a tad more discipline with her. She pushed the limits a bit more than Lauren did, and still does...She is a little more sneaky with her defiance. I remember once when she was about five, there was a cartoon on television that she wanted to watch, but I just didn't like it and didn't want her watching it. One day in town she got a happy meal that had a town of that cartoon character in it, and I threw it away. She was upset and wanted to know why she couldn't have it. I told her that I didn't feel it was a good thing for her to watch and she didn't need the toy. She looked at me and said,
" I can still think about it!"

In other words, I could stop her from watching it or playing with the toy, but I couldn't control what went on in her head! She knew that I couldn't control her thoughts! Those were her own and she could think whatever she wanted. LOL!

But Noah, well, he is a boy and energetic, and loud!! He has an inside voice, but doesn't like to use it. He doesn't like to sit still for long periods of time, and he not only pushes the limits, but shoves them as far as possible. He knows he is pushing the limits when he looks at me and smiles or smirks as he does just what I told him not to do. I do love my boy!!

We have been in a power struggle for some time now. He is physically very strong and very active. He is forty solid pounds and almost more than I can handle at times. So you could say that I get flustered and frustrated. I know the move has something to do with his behavior lately. There have been a lot of changes in his life and it takes a little time for a child to adjust to life changes. Sometimes they will act out. So I have tried to be patient. But we've gotten very concerned with his safety. When we would tell him to stay beside us, or not to do something, he would run away from us or do exactly what we told him not to do. I had nightmares of him running out in front of a car or doing something that would seriously hurt himself.

So at my wits end, I ordered a triple dose of Dr. Dobson.

Just after a couple days of reading the Strong-Willed Child, and following his advice, I can see a little difference.
Even after almost 20 years of parenthood, you realize just how little you actually know about child-rearing. I think the older I get, the more I feel that way about life. The older I get, the less I know. When I was younger, I was cockier and thought I knew so much about it all. But with life experience and age, I am wiser in the understanding that I really don't know that much at all!
Each of my children are very different and unique. They each have talents and abilities all their own. They have personalities that set them apart as individuals. I enjoy watching them as they have grown and seeing the differences in them. I also see the thread that binds them together as siblings. Those things that are alike. The traits that they share. Some of those I can say are like me, some like Andrew, and there are some that remind me of my brother. I am sure there are things about them that come from great-great-great uncle Charlie or whoever. It is funny to see how some things that seem unimportant tranfer from one generation to the next, and go together to make their personalities.
An example is; Noah never wants ice in his drinks. If I put ice in his cup, he will not drink it. I have to pour it out and get more drink without ice. If it is a drink from a fast food place or a restaurant he will drink it with ice, but not at home. One day while setting the table for supper, I had accidently put ice in his cup and he said he wanted water without ice. Immediately I recoginzed that was something he got from his Grandpa Thomason. I knew Andrew's dad for almost twenty years when he passed away. And in those twenty years everytime he ever ate with us he would ask for water, no ice. Noah was two when Andrew's dad passed away, and he had not been around him much to know that he didn't take ice in his drinks. So he didn't learn it from observation, but I suppose it is an inborn preference.
Today's Quotes
The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together ~Erma Bombeck~
Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present, and future ~Gail Lumet Buckley~

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