It has been a few really nice days lately. I have been getting outside more and really enjoying the weather. We got our raised garden bed built, but now I am waiting on the okay to go ahead and plant. I am listening to some of the older folks who have lived in this area for years. Being from further south, I would have probably put some things in the ground already, but they say wait, we could get another cold spell. So I wait. I did build a small bed along the fence and planted my gourd seeds already. I did that on Saturday. Gourds need more time to come to maturity and I figured it wouldn't hurt them as long as we don't get a frost.
I have been struggling with the bathroom scale! We are not friends right now. I haven't lost anything in weeks...I lost 25 pounds and then nothing...nothing for weeks now. In fact, I have put on a couple of pounds. I am sure that it is only the fact that muscle weighs more than fat...yadda yadda...because I am continuing to see a difference in my body and in the way the clothes are fitting. So I know all this work isn't in vain. But the numbers are discouraging. If I could just drop a pound every once in a while, as long as it was moving some...So the last couple of weeks I have upped the intensity levels on my workouts, pushed harder and I am shaking up my routine some. Instead of the same thing every day, I am changing it up some. I have been trying to do a morning workout and an afternoon workout.
Yesterday I went to Curves and had an awesome workout. I did three rounds, hitting them hard each round. Then yesterday afternoon. I did about 25 minutes of strength training in the garage and 30 minutes on the elliptical. I worked it hard. I could really feel it when I finished, completely worn out. But in a good way, an accomplished way. Today I am thinking of adding my Tae Bo back into the mix. I use to love doing Tae Bo. I also have a Beach Body Slim in 6 dvd that I bought way back when we lived in Corpus Christi, before I got pregnant with Noah. I only did it once and boy did it make me sore...wow! I was so sore for days, but then I wasn't use to doing exercise regularly so thinking maybe I will pull it out and try to start it. There are a lot of squats and things like that in it. So I may do Tae Bo this morning and try that this afternoon.
I really like my Asics shoes. They fit great but now I am having an issue with ball-of-foot pain and my three middle toes go numb after walk/running for 20 minutes or so. It happens on the elliptical also. So I read that I need to get an insert for that. I have been trying to get out three
days a week for a two mile walk/run. I start out walking for a few minutes then I pick a point to run to, then I walk again and find another point to run to. I am trying run half of the time, broken up into short distances. I can feel I am getting stronger and my stamina is getting much better. I am still a little leery of my shins though. I am running on asphalt and after a bit I can feel it in my shins. So I ease off a bit. I have a fear of shin splints. I know they happen, but I don't want to get them right now at this point. It would sideline me at a point I need to be working up to more. So, slow and steady wins the race, is my motto for now.
I started on a six-week plan to try this working out twice each day and to pay close attention to what was going into my mouth. I started re-evaluating everything I am eating. A few things crept back into my diet that I really don't need, so I am cleaning my food intake up once again. I am cutting out the white chocolate mocha treat that I use to enjoy once or twice a week from Starbucks. I am cutting out the Stacy's pita chips and some of the mindless snacking that went along with having a bag of them in the house. After six weeks I am going to see what my efforts produce.
I feel good about where I am, and where I am heading physically. I would like to get off another ten pounds at least. But I know it takes time. I know that sometimes your body hits a plateau and you have to readjust to that level before you can move on. So that is where I am today. But I know that I have come a long way in the past eight months. I am looking forward to seeing where I can get to from here.
Most of my adult life I have wanted to be physically fit. I wanted to be a runner and I have never been willing to put in the work to accomplish that goal. Now I feel like I am on the right path. My head is in the right place and I feel like I know what it takes to get to the goal I have set. I really feel like I am on the edge...I feel like this is my opportunity to make this happen. I want to see just how far I can go with it. I want to spend the next 20 years and beyond of my life being active and healthy. Getting older isn't something I like to think about. But it is going to happen there is no denying it. I just hope by getting physically fit that I can avoid some of the medical issues that older people face.
I'm not trying to defy age, just trying to get my body in it's best shape in order to meet old age with a better attitude and more physically fit. Maybe this is my last ditch effort to try to stave off old age a bit more. I have a "now or never" kind of feeling about this whole thing. I see that if I wait any longer, it might be to late to reach the place where I would like to be physically. So yes, maybe in some way this is an attempt on my part to defy age, to trick it into staying away from me...at least the effects of age. By working out and getting into better physical shape I can feel younger and more energetic.
Although forty-three isn't considered old in our culture, I do think there is a mentality in some places that you are moving into a different part of your life and that you should act or behave in a certain way. I know some forty + year old people that are old, because they have an old mind set. They think they are old, so they are. Their minds tell their bodies that they are old so the body begins to be old. I think that is a generational thing. I think they saw their parents at that age being old, so they just assumed that they would be old by forty also. On the other hand, I know some ninety year old people that seem very young. They are active, alert and energetic. They move like someone half their age and they are cheerful and happy in their lives. They have a young mentality. So it shows you that your mental attitude makes the difference.
As I work on the physical me, I am also working on my mind. Reshape my thinking about life and the expectations I have about where my life is and where it is heading. I have heard people say for many years that their 40's and 50's were their best times in life. I can see how that would be. I think as you reach your 40's, you have learned a thing or two about the world. Some people spent their 20's and 30's trying to obtain, build, and create a life or a living. Then when you reach your 40's and 50's you realize that some of the truths about life you always held weren't really true after all. And you also reach a place where you no longer try to please other people or impress other people with your accomplishments and what you have amassed in life.
Maybe you see that what you thought was important at twenty, isn't really that important in the whole scheme of life after all. Maybe you realize that the people you were trying so hard to impress, weren't worth the effort.
I have always been a late bloomer. But I find that after reaching forty I begin to fit more comfortably in my own skin. I finally fit me and accepted me for who I was, not for what I was trying to be or what I thought I should be at forty. I let go of the expectations I had about what my life was suppose to be, and how it was "suppose to" become, and I just learned to enjoy where I was and what was happening, even if it wasn't a comfortable, pleasant place. Like the bible says, finding contentment in whatever state you are in. I have found an inner contentment in so many areas of my life. I have lived long enough that I know there will be times of joy, times of sorrow, times of plenty, and times of want. I know that whatever I am facing that with time the situation will change. The old saying, "This too shall pass." I have lived long enough to see that and understand that time passes quickly. What today feels like an impossible task or hard time, soon will be only a memory. Another time that God shows Himself true in my life. I know the things God has brought me through and I can look back now and know His hand was on me. So in faith, I understand that His hand will continue to guide me and bring me to new places and new understandings.
For this truly is journey that we are on...we are all trying to find our way. I think by accepting where I am, I am better able to understand that there is a reason for it, there is a purpose that is higher than my own and the desires that God places in my life are also there for a purpose. But I need to learn to put aside my thoughts and desires or my expectations and allow Him to show me the real purpose and lead me to His desired outcome.