My Bucket List...or God's Purpose for Me.

The photo has no connection with the post...just a picture I took in Pike Place Market in Seattle last summer. While looking through my photos this one made me think of spring and made me think of Seattle...so it brought a smile to my face...in this cold, dead of winter, these flowers and the memories of Seattle were heart warming...

Well, I finally did it...being the commitment phobe and the semi-recluse that I have become, I stepped out of my comfort zone and did something I have wanted to do for a very long time.

I suppose I have begun to realize that I need to get to work on that "life list" or as some affectionately refer to it; "my bucket list". Or maybe I just ran out of excuses why I couldn't do it...

I signed up for a Creative Writing class at the local community college. It is a continuing ed course, and not one leading to a degree. I'm not seeking a degree, I already have one of those...I think it is in my dresser drawer upstairs...anyway...

I have always been an aspiring writer. I started making up and writing stories when I was old enough to put pencil to paper. Often times just making up stories without writing them down.

So I finally decided today was the day, or yesterday to be exact.

I went and signed up on the spot. I was so pumped and excited, ready to learn...but for some reason the instructor didn't show...they couldn't get in touch with her, I hope it wasn't anything serious. Last week I was looking at taking another class and the following day I heard on the news that the instructor was killed in a car crash.

Anyway, they will be in touch with us to discuss a make up day and next week there won't be class being that it is on Monday and next Monday is MLK day.

Which means we won't start for two weeks! I hope by then I haven't found some excuse for not continuing to take the class. However, the fact that they already have my money is a pretty good incentive to continue.

In all honesty, I am looking forward to it. I am hoping that I can hone my skills, learn some techniques to improve my writing and learn how to go about submitting my writing for possible publication.

The instructor is a long time writer for the newspaper and probably has lots of stories to tell about the business. From her photo she looks like a very pleasant, engaging person. She seems like someone who is encouraging and a mentor. The type of woman who is easy with a laugh and someone with whom you feel comfortable immediately. A confident person, comfortable in her own skin, someone with wisdom and compassion.

To think I got all that from looking at her photo. A photo that probably reminds her of the DMV photo on a drivers license that no one likes. But I have always been insightful that way, you know, reading things about people just by looking at them. Feeling their spirit...Oh, I never shared that talent with you? Well, that is one of many that I have been hiding, waiting for the right moment to share. Stick around, you never know just what you might discover about me next.

So for now, this being a new year and my theme being NEW YEAR, NEW ME, this is one thing I can cross of that list of mine...On my death bed, when I am 103, I can look back with fondness and remember that I did follow some of my dreams, I took a creative writing class...only God and the future knows if anything actually came of it...if I actually learned something and used it to pursue the dream of being a writer, well a paid writer...I have always been a writer...the point of this exercise is to see if I have the stuff to actually make it pay for me...we will see. In the meantime, I hope to have a good time, meet interesting people and broaden my horizons; or as Bruce Wilkinson says, allow God to expand my territory.

Started reading The Purpose Driven Life yesterday. Day one is a reminder that it isn't about me...I am here for a purpose, God's purpose to be exact. So even with all of my talk about following my dreams or doing something I've always wanted to do, I realize that above it all, I need to pursue God's purpose for this life.

God put each of us here for a specific purpose and like most people, I got sidetracked along the way, seeking my purpose. Now with the New Year, New Me mindset, I am not just marking off items that I selfishly want to do, I am seeking Him in each of these things...using the items to move me toward where He envisioned my life...Although some of them may cause you to ponder; how could running a 5k help you reach the place God wants you to be?

Well, I'm not sure, but I feel God's leading in that direction for some reason... I only have a little light to shine on the first step, I don't see the whole journey laid out before me. God usually doesn't work that way...it is about faith, trusting in Him that He knows where He is leading you...He sees the end from the beginning.

I truly believe that when you start in the right direction God will continue to give you a little more and a little more detail about what you are suppose to be doing along the way. The bible says that if we delight ourselves in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart. That doesn't mean that He will grant all of your wishes and life will be grand. Sometimes I wish it did...well maybe, sometimes...

It means that He will put into you the desires that He has for your life. They will become your desires. They will replace the old, self serving desires that you once had for yourself. But He will put into you new desires, desires that you can pursue to take you further along the journey God put you on.

He gave each of us talents, and with those talents, He put desires to pursue those areas. He gives us an inclination toward those things. I don't know how becoming a runner or a writer could profit God or further His plan in my life, but I believe that He gave me those desires. I suspect it has something to do with the people I could meet while participating in these activities...because after all God is in the people business...and I don't believe you meet anyone by accident. I believe all of our encounters are God ordained...you have something to offer that person, or they have something that God wants them to share with you. I believe that you have a connection with certain people over others, because God has a purpose in that...

Things to remember: It isn't about me...It's all about Him...
Colossians 1:16 reminds us:

For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:

That means that we were created by Him and for Him. We were put here to fulfill His purpose...I know that I haven't been fulfilling that purpose...I have fallen far short of that purpose.

Do I know for what purpose I was put here? Not all of it, but I know that He is leading me in that direction... the more I shed of me, the more I seek Him, the further down that path I go. I don't see the whole picture, but that's okay...each day, if I seek Him He will direct me a little more and a little more. Will I ever be able to say, "this is it, this is the thing I was placed here for?" I don't know. There are probably many things we are placed here for; not great big things, just a lot of small, everyday things. Things we don't think of as purpose...but are things that in the end add up to a life pleasing to God...I think it is about relationship, about finding relationship with fellow travelers along this journey...

God put in me His Spirit, He gave me the revelation of Him, who He is and how to find Him...just as He gives to all that seek Him. Armed with just that is enough to keep someone busy for a lifetime. Sharing that with others...I use to become a bit overwhelmed with that task, trying to find a way to share that truth with people I meet. It isn't always easy for someone like me, someone who is shy and reserved. Someone who often feels intimidated by social situations...

...did I happen to mention that I have a tendency to be a border line recluse...

So at times relationships tend to be my problem...I have to push out of my comfort zone in order to reach out to people...yes, it is a big character flaw of mine...I understand that no man is an island...but some of us try, we eventually make ourselves a peninsula if not an island...(a little of my nutty geographical humor.)

But there are times when I know it is God pushing me, and I stretch myself to accomplish the task...but the last few years, I haven't been doing that...I have given in to that reclusive side and allowed the devil and my flesh to keep me from responding in the way I need to for God to use me to reach others for Him...

...so the task of sharing His word and His gospel becomes overwhelming to me. But God begins to deal with me, that it is about relationship, building relationships and allowing God to shine through me and He would draw them to Himself. But no one is going to see Him in me, if I am not doing the necessary work of building relationships.

My heart has always been about missions...I ALWAYS cry endless tears when a missionary comes with their stories and slides of the people in other countries who are in need of God. When they share their burden, I feel that burden, I have always dreamed of mission work and being the kind of person God could send... But I understand that my own choices have limited me in that area...I understand that I haven't allowed God to use me in that way, even though that is where my heart lies...

But I also realize that the lifestyle we live; the gypsy lifestyle, that takes us places we never knew we wanted to go, allows me the opportunity to fulfill that desire. Since Andrew works as a general contractor on government jobs, we travel and move around, a lot...it brings me in contact with so many people, so many people that like in those missionary slides, are lost and needing God...I used to understand that God was allowing me to follow that aspect of my heart...somewhere I lost that...somewhere I began to get bogged down in the day to day...I forgot what God had given me, the purpose for this way of life...if I couldn't go to foreign soil and share His love, He could move me around this country, bringing me in contact with so many people, so many hurting people who need His love...

...the question I posed to myself Sunday after Bro Mitchel did such a marvelous job of preaching about our purpose...Are you fulfilling that purpose that God put you in each of these places to fulfill?

Unfortunately, the answer had to be NO! A loud and resounding NO! My spirit yelled out NO, NO, NO!

Where does that leave me? Back on my knees, back to repentance, and back to seeking His purpose for me...Understanding again, as so many times, I am in much need of Him and His mercy...I am in much need of Him...without His help, I can do nothing...but through Him I can do all things.

God doesn't require more of us than He equips us to give...He places in us the desires to follow His leading...the interests He puts in our hearts are to help us come closer to that dream He had for our lives when He created us...

I am again recommitting my life and purpose to Him, Asking Him to put His desires in me and give me the necessary skills to be successful at the tasks He gives me...Whatever and where ever that may be.

of resolutions and new years...

Well another Christmas has come and gone...now to close out the old year and bring in the new. With the new year comes new possibilities, new plans, dreams and resolution.

Although I have never been much for publicly announcing my resolutions, I have in years past made them. I have at times even written them down and attempted to make them happen. But often times, I have done as many do, reverted back to my old habits and ways shortly after the new year.

According to "experts" it takes about 21 days to create a habit, or 30 to 40 repetitions of a behavior for that behavior to become a new habit. I have also read that you can develop a taste for a food you don't like after trying it as few as seven to as many as fourteen times.

So if these facts are true and accurate, then many of us don't repeat our desired new behavior that long into the new year for those resolutions to become our new habit. I know with myself, changing my eating habits and preferences took time to develop. I didn't wake up the first morning craving yogurt and fruit and passing the biscuits and bacon without my mouth salivating.

And the first few days I didn't have my usual morning dose of Dr Pepper weren't easy...the headache alone was enough to send me running back to Sonic for a route 44 size of my drug of choice. But after a week or so the caffeine was out of my system and I no longer had that desire for the dark brown fizzy stuff. Now, I don't know if I could finish a glass of that sweet syrup-y drink or not. Just so you know, I'm not going to try...because with anything, it can become a habit again. I haven't been delivered from my human nature yet, so I realize that the whole act of creating new habits works in reverse also.

With exercise it takes more than just a few times of pushing yourself to get up off the couch and putting on your gym shoes and pushing your body beyond what it wants to do. Even after months of repeating the behavior, there are times when I really don't want to get up and "just do it". But once you see the results of your hard work, and you know how much better you feel after the workout, your more likely to get up and repeat the behavior for the reward...not necessarily because you want to exercise, but the reward becomes the motive to propel you to repeat the action again and again...At least I find this true for me.

The way I feel after I complete a workout is what drives me even on the laziest of days to get up and move. I have so much more energy and feel more mentally alert and the endorphins kick in to lift my mood to such a level that I want to repeat this feeling again and again. It gets to the place that on a day that I can't workout for some reason or the other, I am actually upset or disappointed that I missed that workout. Along with the pleasure I get from seeing the results on my body and watching the pounds fall off and my clothing size shrinking.

I am at a point now, where I want to push beyond my current physical level and see what else my body can do. I want to change my idea of what a women of 43, 44, 45 and so on can do. I want to show my children that they don't have to become a statistic. They don't have to become over weight, under active and plagued with health problems...

Instead of trying to start my weight loss journey at the beginning of a new year, I find I do better by just picking a time and doing it. So I chose August of this past year to really get serious about my health and weight issues. So far, I have lost twenty-five pounds and feel so much better physically and mentally. I still want to lose fifteen to twenty pounds in order to reach the goal I set for myself. And to reach the goal that Wii fit said I needed to be for my height and age.

As New Years Resolutions go, I suppose mine would include continued weight loss and fitness goals. Continue to incorporate clean eating, getting more natural and pure with my food choices. Which would include adding more fresh real food, cutting out more refined sugar and flour products. But one resolution I have is to grow more of our food this year. I am planning a raised bed garden for our backyard that will provide fresh vegetables for the family. I want to find a source of fresh eggs, milk and meat. I plan to eat more locally produced foods, and rely less on the standard grocery stores. I want to help support local, small farms to help keep their lifestyle part of our culture. Since I can't have my own farm like we did a few years back, I want to help those who do, continue their way of life. Perhaps by helping them, I can come closer to living the life that I desire.

I want to continue to simplify my lifestyle. To not only rid myself of excess things, but to set aside ideas, thoughts, behaviors, habits and attitudes that no longer serve or support the lifestyle that I am seeking. I don't want to be bogged down by things that are contrary to who I am becoming and the direction I am headed. Knowing however, that a mind that is to wide open can be filled with garbage and untruth, so I will continue to hold to those truths which will never become old or outdated, but will always remain...I don't want to be led astray, down a path of deception, so I will continue to seek Him in all my ways...

My plan for this year is to start to train for a 5K. I want to run my first this year, hopefully in the spring or early summer. I know this will require more discipline of me and demand more physically from my body. I feel that I am ready for this challenge more so than I have ever been. I am ready for this next step. I am hoping that this is something that Andrew and I can do together, something that we can work toward as a couple as well as individually.

Some books that I plan to begin to reread in the coming year in order to refocus and renew my convictions and passions in these areas are:

Because it is my road map for this life and the one to come.

This one inspires me each year to plant, even at times when I have been unable to do so.

Because I need to readjust my priorities ever so often.

Because this is the way I want to live my life.

For inspiration and a reminder of how we should be eating.

There are many others I will add to that list. All of these are ones I have read before, more than once, but continue to find inspiration and something new with each reading. I have others on my shelf I will list at another time, for now, life is calling, and that is one call I want to answer!