My Bucket List...or God's Purpose for Me.

The photo has no connection with the post...just a picture I took in Pike Place Market in Seattle last summer. While looking through my photos this one made me think of spring and made me think of Seattle...so it brought a smile to my face...in this cold, dead of winter, these flowers and the memories of Seattle were heart warming...

Well, I finally did it...being the commitment phobe and the semi-recluse that I have become, I stepped out of my comfort zone and did something I have wanted to do for a very long time.

I suppose I have begun to realize that I need to get to work on that "life list" or as some affectionately refer to it; "my bucket list". Or maybe I just ran out of excuses why I couldn't do it...

I signed up for a Creative Writing class at the local community college. It is a continuing ed course, and not one leading to a degree. I'm not seeking a degree, I already have one of those...I think it is in my dresser drawer upstairs...anyway...

I have always been an aspiring writer. I started making up and writing stories when I was old enough to put pencil to paper. Often times just making up stories without writing them down.

So I finally decided today was the day, or yesterday to be exact.

I went and signed up on the spot. I was so pumped and excited, ready to learn...but for some reason the instructor didn't show...they couldn't get in touch with her, I hope it wasn't anything serious. Last week I was looking at taking another class and the following day I heard on the news that the instructor was killed in a car crash.

Anyway, they will be in touch with us to discuss a make up day and next week there won't be class being that it is on Monday and next Monday is MLK day.

Which means we won't start for two weeks! I hope by then I haven't found some excuse for not continuing to take the class. However, the fact that they already have my money is a pretty good incentive to continue.

In all honesty, I am looking forward to it. I am hoping that I can hone my skills, learn some techniques to improve my writing and learn how to go about submitting my writing for possible publication.

The instructor is a long time writer for the newspaper and probably has lots of stories to tell about the business. From her photo she looks like a very pleasant, engaging person. She seems like someone who is encouraging and a mentor. The type of woman who is easy with a laugh and someone with whom you feel comfortable immediately. A confident person, comfortable in her own skin, someone with wisdom and compassion.

To think I got all that from looking at her photo. A photo that probably reminds her of the DMV photo on a drivers license that no one likes. But I have always been insightful that way, you know, reading things about people just by looking at them. Feeling their spirit...Oh, I never shared that talent with you? Well, that is one of many that I have been hiding, waiting for the right moment to share. Stick around, you never know just what you might discover about me next.

So for now, this being a new year and my theme being NEW YEAR, NEW ME, this is one thing I can cross of that list of mine...On my death bed, when I am 103, I can look back with fondness and remember that I did follow some of my dreams, I took a creative writing class...only God and the future knows if anything actually came of it...if I actually learned something and used it to pursue the dream of being a writer, well a paid writer...I have always been a writer...the point of this exercise is to see if I have the stuff to actually make it pay for me...we will see. In the meantime, I hope to have a good time, meet interesting people and broaden my horizons; or as Bruce Wilkinson says, allow God to expand my territory.

Started reading The Purpose Driven Life yesterday. Day one is a reminder that it isn't about me...I am here for a purpose, God's purpose to be exact. So even with all of my talk about following my dreams or doing something I've always wanted to do, I realize that above it all, I need to pursue God's purpose for this life.

God put each of us here for a specific purpose and like most people, I got sidetracked along the way, seeking my purpose. Now with the New Year, New Me mindset, I am not just marking off items that I selfishly want to do, I am seeking Him in each of these things...using the items to move me toward where He envisioned my life...Although some of them may cause you to ponder; how could running a 5k help you reach the place God wants you to be?

Well, I'm not sure, but I feel God's leading in that direction for some reason... I only have a little light to shine on the first step, I don't see the whole journey laid out before me. God usually doesn't work that way...it is about faith, trusting in Him that He knows where He is leading you...He sees the end from the beginning.

I truly believe that when you start in the right direction God will continue to give you a little more and a little more detail about what you are suppose to be doing along the way. The bible says that if we delight ourselves in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart. That doesn't mean that He will grant all of your wishes and life will be grand. Sometimes I wish it did...well maybe, sometimes...

It means that He will put into you the desires that He has for your life. They will become your desires. They will replace the old, self serving desires that you once had for yourself. But He will put into you new desires, desires that you can pursue to take you further along the journey God put you on.

He gave each of us talents, and with those talents, He put desires to pursue those areas. He gives us an inclination toward those things. I don't know how becoming a runner or a writer could profit God or further His plan in my life, but I believe that He gave me those desires. I suspect it has something to do with the people I could meet while participating in these activities...because after all God is in the people business...and I don't believe you meet anyone by accident. I believe all of our encounters are God ordained...you have something to offer that person, or they have something that God wants them to share with you. I believe that you have a connection with certain people over others, because God has a purpose in that...

Things to remember: It isn't about me...It's all about Him...
Colossians 1:16 reminds us:

For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:

That means that we were created by Him and for Him. We were put here to fulfill His purpose...I know that I haven't been fulfilling that purpose...I have fallen far short of that purpose.

Do I know for what purpose I was put here? Not all of it, but I know that He is leading me in that direction... the more I shed of me, the more I seek Him, the further down that path I go. I don't see the whole picture, but that's okay...each day, if I seek Him He will direct me a little more and a little more. Will I ever be able to say, "this is it, this is the thing I was placed here for?" I don't know. There are probably many things we are placed here for; not great big things, just a lot of small, everyday things. Things we don't think of as purpose...but are things that in the end add up to a life pleasing to God...I think it is about relationship, about finding relationship with fellow travelers along this journey...

God put in me His Spirit, He gave me the revelation of Him, who He is and how to find Him...just as He gives to all that seek Him. Armed with just that is enough to keep someone busy for a lifetime. Sharing that with others...I use to become a bit overwhelmed with that task, trying to find a way to share that truth with people I meet. It isn't always easy for someone like me, someone who is shy and reserved. Someone who often feels intimidated by social situations...

...did I happen to mention that I have a tendency to be a border line recluse...

So at times relationships tend to be my problem...I have to push out of my comfort zone in order to reach out to people...yes, it is a big character flaw of mine...I understand that no man is an island...but some of us try, we eventually make ourselves a peninsula if not an island...(a little of my nutty geographical humor.)

But there are times when I know it is God pushing me, and I stretch myself to accomplish the task...but the last few years, I haven't been doing that...I have given in to that reclusive side and allowed the devil and my flesh to keep me from responding in the way I need to for God to use me to reach others for Him...

...so the task of sharing His word and His gospel becomes overwhelming to me. But God begins to deal with me, that it is about relationship, building relationships and allowing God to shine through me and He would draw them to Himself. But no one is going to see Him in me, if I am not doing the necessary work of building relationships.

My heart has always been about missions...I ALWAYS cry endless tears when a missionary comes with their stories and slides of the people in other countries who are in need of God. When they share their burden, I feel that burden, I have always dreamed of mission work and being the kind of person God could send... But I understand that my own choices have limited me in that area...I understand that I haven't allowed God to use me in that way, even though that is where my heart lies...

But I also realize that the lifestyle we live; the gypsy lifestyle, that takes us places we never knew we wanted to go, allows me the opportunity to fulfill that desire. Since Andrew works as a general contractor on government jobs, we travel and move around, a lot...it brings me in contact with so many people, so many people that like in those missionary slides, are lost and needing God...I used to understand that God was allowing me to follow that aspect of my heart...somewhere I lost that...somewhere I began to get bogged down in the day to day...I forgot what God had given me, the purpose for this way of life...if I couldn't go to foreign soil and share His love, He could move me around this country, bringing me in contact with so many people, so many hurting people who need His love...

...the question I posed to myself Sunday after Bro Mitchel did such a marvelous job of preaching about our purpose...Are you fulfilling that purpose that God put you in each of these places to fulfill?

Unfortunately, the answer had to be NO! A loud and resounding NO! My spirit yelled out NO, NO, NO!

Where does that leave me? Back on my knees, back to repentance, and back to seeking His purpose for me...Understanding again, as so many times, I am in much need of Him and His mercy...I am in much need of Him...without His help, I can do nothing...but through Him I can do all things.

God doesn't require more of us than He equips us to give...He places in us the desires to follow His leading...the interests He puts in our hearts are to help us come closer to that dream He had for our lives when He created us...

I am again recommitting my life and purpose to Him, Asking Him to put His desires in me and give me the necessary skills to be successful at the tasks He gives me...Whatever and where ever that may be.

Lately...

It has been a while since I blogged. Just been busy and haven't taken the time to stop and write. We have been busy getting ready for the grandparents visit. They will be heading this way tomorrow. We haven't seen them since March so we will be glad when they get here.

Here is a photo of Noah sleeping on his bean bag with his teddy. He was getting comfy, waiting for the Polar Express. But he fell asleep before it arrived!

Yesterday was our Christmas tree trimming day. We always put up our tree the first weekend in December. This year we put up two trees. Simply because we had two trees and we had the room to do it. We have had the 7ft tree for several years, but when we moved back into the city of Little Rock a couple of years ago, we moved into a smaller place and didn't have the room for the larger tree. So we bought a smaller tree. Since moving to North Carolina we have a larger place so we decided this year to put the larger tree in the living room and the smaller tree in the dining room.

This is the smaller one. When we bought it a couple of years ago, we bought all new ornaments, red and gold. When we use to use the larger tree, we had blue and silver. But after a couple of moves and Noah...a few of the ornaments got broken. So the girls went yesterday to buy some blue and silver to add to the larger tree. But like trends go, this years blue isn't the same as the blue several years ago...because of this, the ribbon we had on it no longer match and the other blue ornaments don't go with the new blue...so the tree looks pretty naked right now. I am going to have to go to Hobby Lobby this week and buy new blue ribbon and a few new blue ornaments to completely dress the tree.

Here is something that has been taking my time away from blogging. I have become obsessed with crocheting again. I haven't done much of it in a few years, but this scarf got me pumped again...

It is called the Claudia Scarf. I found it here.

I just fell in love with it. So I tried my hand at it. Only in a different weight and color. Mine is black and done in 100% cotton yarn. It is a worsted weight instead of the fingering weight the pattern uses. But I really do love it. I am working on a couple more now in different colors and weights.

At Thanksgiving I found a recipe on the Cooking Light website for a lighter version of Sweet Potato Casserole. And I have to say it was delicious. I didn't get much chance to gorge on it, because others thought it was good also and it went very quickly. Here is a link to the recipe.






I was in Fayetteville on my own doing a little shopping early one morning and decided to stop in at Goodwill, or GCF as it is called. I used to go to Goodwill weekly in Little Rock and find all kinds of bargins...Since moving here I have picked up a few items, such as a wooden bird cage that I use to decorate my front porch. I also picked up a new dehydrater and some crafting materials. I usually don't buy clothes from there, but happened by and saw this gray fleece, hooded American Eagle pullover hanging out of place on the end of a rack...it looked brand new and looked comfortable. So for a couple of bucks I bought it. It has now become my favorite thing to wear around. It is warm and fuzzy! But on this particular morning I happened upon this...



I have an eat-in kitchen area that has been pretty empty and needed a table. I looked around for one, but didn't want to pay several hundred dollars for one. Thanks to Goodwill, I didn't have to pay but $59.00! This almost new, no scratches, dings or dents, looks like I just bought it new...all we had to do was clean the cloth seats with the steam cleaner to get the coffee stains out. Now they look like new.

It fills the space perfectly. The table came with four chairs but unless I need the extra seating, I just keep two out. It is the perfect spot to sit first thing in the morning and watch the sun rise in the window. It was an awesome deal!

Believe it or not, I had just gone to the bank before going to GCF and I withdrew some cash. For some reason I chose to withdraw $60.00...I usually don't carry much cash, instead use the debit card. However, that morning I just punched in $60.00 and when I got to GCF I knew why God put it in my mind to get $60...GCF doesn't take debit cards...only cash or check. I later realized that I had written my last check at church the night or two before and hadn't put more in my checkbook. Because of the trip to the bank, I had just enough cash on me to buy the table before someone else came along and snagged it. So I am very thankful that God not only takes care of our big things, but he is concerned with the little things that make up our lives also.

On a final note...here are Noah's latest masterpieces...I have them displayed on the wall by my desk in my creative space.

New Mercy--My Portion-My Provision

"Lamentations 3:22-24 (King James Version)
22 It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because
his compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
24 The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him."

As I awoke this morning, this scripture kept rolling around in my head. Each time I read it, I became more and more aware that God's mercy is new for me each and every morning. That He is faithful and He is my portion. He is my source of---of everything...spiritual, physical, emotional, material...He alone is my source. He is my portion and because of that my cup is full and running over. I have no other need aside from Him and His provision.

When you really grasp that concept and accept it, well, it is very liberating--freeing to know that the God of glory, the one that created EVERYTHING, is my provider--of EVERYTHING! There is nothing that I have need of that He alone cannot supply...

WOW! So why do I worry, why do I fret...Because my God, my portion, my provision, has NEVER failed me, nor will He EVER fail me!
He knows what I have need of even before I have the need...He holds my life, my future all in the palm of His very capable hands...And before I even know what to ask Him for, He, the all knowing, loving God, already has made the way, already has the answer...

He truly is my portion, my provision...and He is faithful...I am very humbled that He would be so mindful of me...

For this I am so very thankful.

Current Events...

Noah's trip to the fire station

21st Anniversary

Noah's 4th Birthday

Muskedime picking and jelly making

Megan's latest project

Happy Birthday My Sweet Child

Happy Birthday to my first born daughter! Twenty years ago today I was lying in a hospital bed in Alexandria, Louisiana getting ready to become a mom for the first time. I was so excited, but a little afraid. I didn't know if I would do a good job, or if I would know how to be a mom. But through the years, with the help of God, I managed. There were times when I didn't know if I was making the right parenting decisions, and most of the time I was flying by the seat of my pants, (skirt). But God was always there nudging me along on this journey...

You were my little angel girl, and you helped me through so many things. I can't imagine where I would be today if God hadn't blessed me with you and started me on this journey that I have been on for the last twenty years.

I am so very proud of the young woman that you have become. I know that you will find your way in life and if you continue to put God first, you will find that life you desire...

The last few months have been difficult, having to be so far away from you...but I understand as I understood on the day you were born, that you were a gift from God, loaned to me, for me to care for until you could care for yourself. I only hope that I taught you what you needed to know to be on your own...at least I know that I gave you love. I did the best I could to be a Godly example before you and took you to the house of God so that you could develop your own relationship with Him. In the end, giving you love and raising you in church are the two most important things I could have done for you...

I know I made mistakes, parents always do, but I tried to learn from them and readjust my parenting so that I didn't continue to make those mistakes. I hope that you will forgive my short comings and my ignorance's and remember the good times and all the love that we tried to express to you. I wanted so much more for you than I was able to offer at times, but years from now, it won't be things that we will look back on, but times...times spent together and the feeling of family that we created...

I know that there are things you wish would have been different...I know you wished we could have been stable and lived in one place while you grew up...I am sorry that didn't happen. But we did what we thought was best to provide a better way of life for you, Megan, and Noah...But you have to admit that we had some experiences that those who stayed in one place their whole lives never got to enjoy.

I just wanted you to know how much I love you! How proud I am of you and how much I pray for you. I want nothing but the best for you in your life...I wish I could do more...but sometime, in the long run, you will have gained more from having to be creative than from being handed it all on a silver platter...Although I don't think you have ever done without the necessities.

May you have the blessings of God on your life and put Him first, always! Do what you know is right, and follow your heart...but remember God gave you a good mind, so use it!

Happy Birthday Sweetheart! May God keep you in His hands and bless you always!

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

Today is Andrew's 43rd birthday! Wow!

Where did the years go?

In two weeks we will be married 21 years!

My the time seems to have flown by in such a rush.

On Wednesday our oldest will celebrate her 20th birthday!

That is hard to grasp! I have a 20 year old daughter!

Wow!

In a little over two years she will be the same age I was when I gave birth to her! That blows my mind!

There have been so many things that have happened in the last 21 years, so many changes, so many experiences, so many memories.

No matter what the circumstances my sweetheart has always had the ability to make me laugh, or at least smile...

I love you honey, with all my heart!


Happy Birthday and may we celebrate many more together.

More on Noah

Going through some photos, I found this one of Noah that Megan took at least a year ago, if not longer. It was in the backyard of our previous house and she was just getting started into photography. It is such a sweet photo and so much little boy, that I just had to post it.

In a month Noah will be four years old! Where have the years gone? I know I am always talking about how quickly time is getting by, but I am continually amazed by the passage of time. I am trying to enjoy every moment possible with my children because I know how quickly they grow to become their own person and into adulthood. I just wish I could slow the progression of time and really get everything out of each day possible...

Children are such an awesome gift from God...I thank Him everyday for entrusting me with three precious gems...

The Man-Cave

My honey in his Man-Cave doing his thing...

The Joys of Childhood

One little ritual that Noah and I have when getting in and out of the car at night, we always look for the moon and talk about the stars. Many times we will recite "twinkle, twinkle little star."

Recently we came home from church one night and while getting him out of his car seat, I told him to look at the moon. It was a waning crescent moon and a very cloudless night so it was clearly seen.

Noah looked up at he moon and said, "Momma, the moon is broken, we need to fix it."

Oh the joy of childhood innocence!

Reminds me of a poem by Billy Collins. For those of you who have read my blog for a long time, you will know that I am a Billy Collins fan. Some people don't get him, but I so get his---I hesitate to say sense of humor--because it is poetry, but I suppose it would be his thought processes...

My favorite is Forgetfulness.(click on the link to read) But there are others that I equally enjoy.

The following is about a child aging and understanding the changes taking place in their life. But it is only the beginning...

On Turning Ten

The whole idea of it makes me feel

like I'm coming down with something,

something worse than any stomach ache

or the headaches I get from reading in bad light--

a kind of measles of the spirit,

a mumps of the psyche,

a disfiguring chicken pox of the soul.

You tell me it is too early to be looking back,

but that is because you have forgotten

the perfect simplicity of being one

and the beautiful complexity introduced by two.

But I can lie on my bed and remember every digit.

At four I was an Arabian wizard.

I could make myself invisible

by drinking a glass of milk a certain way.

At seven I was a soldier,

at nine a prince.

But now I am mostly at the window

watching the late afternoon light.

Back then it never fell so solemnly

against the side of my tree house,

and my bicycle never leaned against the garage

as it does today,

all the dark blue speed drained out of it.

This is the beginning of sadness,

I say to myself,

as I walk through the universe in my sneakers.

It is time to say good-bye to my imaginary friends,

time to turn the first big number.

It seems only yesterday I used to believe

there was nothing under my skin but light.

If you cut me I could shine.

But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,

I skin my knees.

I bleed.

~Billy Collins ~