Spring...could it be?

The sun is shining so nice this morning. Three mornings in a row we have enjoyed the bright sunlight coming in though the windows. My ficus' plants are loving it. They are waiting with anticipation for spring so they can once again take their post on either end of the front porch. But for now, they are bathing in the sunlight streaming in through the dining room windows.

Yesterday was a nice warm day, but not to warm. There was a gentle breeze blowing and the sunshine was warm on my back as Noah and I played in the backyard. I pushed him on his swing, we tossed toys for the dogs to retrieve, and we enjoyed a nice long, lively game of kickball. When it was time to come in and start supper, Noah was red faced and tired. Needless to say, he slept very well last night. In fact, he didn't wake up until nearly 8:00, which is late for him.

We are suppose to have another awesome day, weather wise. I had toyed with the idea of making another trip to Wilmington today, but decided to save that for another time. I wanted to give it just another week or so. Although it was a year ago this week that we were there at Carolina Beach and it was a great day.

I have to make my run to the grocery store today to restock my diminished supply. I really don't like going to Walmart, I am sure I have expressed my dislike of the place a time or two, but it is one of those necessary evils, I suppose. In some areas of the country anyway.

Andrew and I have started working out together in the afternoons when he comes in from work. I am trying to go to Curves in the morning and be ready to workout in the garage when he comes in. I have been a little sore for a few days, but I can tell it is getting better. Hopefully before long we can actually get out and run together. When the time changes and there is more daylight in the evenings that will make a world of difference. We've been slower at getting started than I had hoped. I am thinking of buying a treadmill, for times when the weather isn't cooperating...and it will make it easier for me to run on days when it isn't possible for him to go. I really don't want to run by myself. Maybe I am just paranoid, but I don't want to be a target for someone looking for trouble. According to the papers around here, there are a lot of people who seem to find trouble. I suppose it has always been that way near military bases. It is almost ironic how they seem to be more unsafe than other areas of the country. Anyway, the treadmill is something that I think would be a good investment for me.

I have reluctantly been looking around at "new" vehicles. Old Blue has been a good one, and I don't want to think about getting rid of it. I especially don't want to think about having a car note again after so long. But I suppose that is the necessary evil of traveling around like we do. If I lived in one place and didn't have to be on the highways like I do, I would keep Blue till her wheels fell off. Unfortunately I don't know how many more long trips she will make without us possibly having trouble. And when it is just the kids and I on the road to no where, I don't want to risk having trouble. So I have been looking...I am hoping to work it out that we will have a large down payment so that we only have to finance a small portion and get it paid off quickly. I am considering a Ford Edge. I haven't driven one yet, but I like what I have seen. I am looking for an '08 model with low mileage. I don't want to buy new, in my opinion it is foolish to buy new off the showroom floor. You lose entirely to much equity in a new one the moment it rolls off of the lot. I have had great success in buying two year old vehicles and think that is definitely the way to go for me. I am taking my time in this decision though, not being to quick about it. I am waiting for the right one...I am trusting the Lord to direct me so that I will know it is right. It has always worked for me in the past and I know this one won't be any different.

Noah and I are planting today. We have a seed starter kit with some herb seeds that we are going to get started. I really want to start a garden but I am waiting on Andrew to build my raised beds for me. We are holding off to find out if we were going to be here for another job or if we will be leaving after this one is done. We should find out this month if they got the other contract here. Until then, the herbs can be grown in pots on the deck and can be taken with us if we go...

Well, I haven't posted in over a week, so I needed to write something. Nothing exciting or thought provoking, just daily updates on life. My writing slump continues...perhaps when the sun is high in the sky and I have been able to enjoy it more, maybe then my SAD will have gone and I can enjoy the great outdoors again...maybe then my muse will have returned and I can write more engagingly. Until then, this is all there is...

Today's Quotes

If you don't know where your going, any road will get you there.

~Lewis Carroll~

Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you could lose.

~Tom Krause~

Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit. You are what you repeatedly do.

~Shaquille O'Neal~

Obstacles are things a person sees when he take his eyes off of his goal.

~E. Joseph Crossman~

Mindful March Monday...

It is the start of a new week, and a new month. Hopefully the beginning of spring as well. This winter has seemed to drag on forever. I am tired of the cold. I am anxious to get outside, dig in the earth and be active again. I feel like I have been hibernating all winter and now it is time to live again.

This morning I stood at the back door and watched as the sun begin to peep over the rooftops and through the pines in the backyard. It is such beautiful thing. So natural that most of the time we take it for granted that the sun will rise. This morning I am trying to be more mindful of the day to day things that I often don't stop to pay attention to. Like the sound of Noah's footsteps coming down the stairs for the first time in the morning. He is so joyous. Happy to be awake and ready to explore the new day.

Even the little annoyances such as the guinea pig squealing for food each morning, and the dogs scratching to get out for the first time each day are things I want to remember and pay more attention to. These are all parts of my life, parts of the present. So quickly these things will be only memories for me to hold and a rifle through like old photos in a shoe box. Pulling out each one and trying to remember the details of who, where, what and when. If we aren't mindful of each day, then when we review our memories our minds will rebel and not allow us to bring each memory back with clarity.

The memories that I hold most dear are the ones that I was fully present in the moment. Some of those were times of sorrow or pain; such as recalling in precise detail every thing about the morning that I learned that Daren had been killed. I can call to mind the exact details as though it were yesterday. When it was actually seventeen years ago this month.

There are images that I recall when closing my eyes, as though looking at a photograph, because I was mindful and present in the moment. I will never forget the approach by plane into Seattle. Flying over the city, then banking and turning to go into a landing at the airport. I recall with clarity the details of flying out of Seattle and looking out the window of the plane as we flew around Mt. Rainer. The beauty was breathtaking...I took it all in. I was there, I didn't want it to end. I wanted to drink in the beauty until I was intoxicated by it.

I am by nature a very visual person. I find enjoyment in the simple act of viewing things of beauty. It isn't necessarily things that others would call beautiful. Although somethings are universal...many people find beauty in scenes of the ocean or mountain views. But there are other things, small things that I find beautiful. I can sit for long periods of time looking into my basket of seashells. Taking them out one by one, turning them over and over in my hand, feeling their texture.

I have a small bottle filled with white and green beach glass that I picked up at Lake Michigan. It sits by my kitchen sink. I often pick it up and look into the glass, sometimes taking out the pieces and holding them, feeling their smooth edges, know that only time caused such a thing. It wasn't an overnight process. Time and consistency brought about something of beauty out of brokenness. The water and sand working day after day polishing away the sharp edges. Wearing down the thickness of the glass. Rounding the jagged edges of the broken pieces.

It seems very poignant to me, standing in my kitchen in North Carolina, miles away from Chicago, maybe even many more miles from where the bottles originated. Something that as a whole piece someone considered trash and tossed aside mindlessly, now is considered a treasure to me. How it was broken and the smaller parts of the whole were cast into the water for who knows how long.

Now they are considered treasures to someone who herself has been broken and tossed on the sea of life. Realizing that everything that life has brought my way is something ordained by God who is trying to make something useful of me. Each blow was designed to soften my rough edges, to remove the jagged, sharp corners so that they can no longer injure. I see my life as a work in progress. Each day trying again to move a little closer to that image that God has for my life.

Some days I feel as though I may be learning, understand a little more, moving the right direction. However, there are times when I know that I should have learned something and things should have gone differently, but the old human nature rises up and flesh becomes more dominate. A rough edge needs to be smoothed. But for that day, I wasn't able to overcome the very nature that tries to destroy us. For that day the score is flesh 1: spirit 0.

So I keep this little bottle of beautiful beach glass where I can see it, all through out my day it stands as a visual reminder of the work of God in my life. If something were to happen and we had to leave quickly. I would grab this little bottle and carry with me.

I don't wear jewelery of diamonds or gold. I find no value in those types of things. I do have a wedding ring set that Andrew bought me when we married. I also have a diamond that he gave me on our anniversary one year. Those are special because they are part of our life together, a reminder of the past. I don't wear them, simply because I don't wear jewelry anymore. I keep them in a special place and one day the kids will have them to keep. But I do not desire to have more, I find no real value in those types of things. But my bottle of glass is a treasure to me, something I value, something I hold dear. It has meaning to me, it is a talisman of sorts. Not that I believe within it lies some magic power, but the effect it has on me when I look at it, when I remember, it changes my thinking and my understanding. It takes me beyond the moment, the place where my feet are standing.

It serves two purposes. It carries me back to the place and time when I walked along the shores of Lake Michigan and reached down into the sand to retrieve this beautiful glass. I recall the enjoyment of spending time with my family and reveling in the last few days of summer, when my kids were still with me; still children. It also carries me to a place somewhere in the future, knowing that one day I will hold that bottle and everything will be different. The house I live in will be different, my children may be grown and on their own. God only knows the changes that will have occurred between now and then. But I will be able to hold that bottle of small chards of glass that have been worn down by time and elements, and I will remember.

At the same time I can take a piece out of the bottle and hold it in my hand, letting my fingers touch and feel the smoothness and the rounded edges, understanding that God has held me in His hands. Finding the sharp edges and jaggedness of my life, yet seeing what I could be with a little more polishing and wearing down. Hopefully by the time my life is done, and God calls me out of this world, I can be a smooth, polished and shining example of God's love and His endless mercy. A thing of beauty to the Lord. A treasure that he finds enjoyment in, and receives glory from. I want to be a reflection of Him. I want to reflect His light and love, His goodness and power.

To most, the beach glass is just a bunch broken pieces in a jar, nothing of value, but to me they are a treasure. In the same way I hope God sees me when He looks down at my brokenness, my uselessness. Only through Him can my life be a thing of beauty. Only to Him can I be of any value.

Life...Day to Day...

It is Tuesday already of another week...where is this time going?  Seems like the world has sped up and the days and weeks just fly by like a blur.  Even when I don't have a lot going on, it just seems like every time I turn around another week is starting.
I really don't have much to say, but it has been about two weeks since I posted anything, so I figured I needed to write something.  I have been in a writing slump lately and just don't seem to want to take time to sit down and think about what I am writing. 

When I got back on blogger I discovered that they have changed the format some and I can't find the spellcheck, so if anything is misspelled, please over look it because I am a bit lazy today and decided to just type without dwelling on it to much.

Not a lot going on in my world this past week.  Just the usual routines of house work, cooking, kids, homeschooling...
Lauren has been gone for several days.  She went down to Charleston, SC to nanny for our pastor and his wife while they were at a retreat.  Their youngest child is four and she didn't want to stay behind, so instead of Lauren staying with all three of the kids, they left the older two with someone else and took Lauren along with them.  She had a great time...enjoyed the resort and having a villa to herself.  It was almost like living on her own again for a few days.

It was Andrew's weekend to work, so Megan, Noah and I went shopping Saturday. Noah wanted to go to the mall so he could ride the carousel.  So as much as I despise going to the mall, especially on a Saturday, I relented and we fought the crowds at the local mall.

They both ended up getting a few things while we were there, so I suppose the trip wasn't a total waste of time.

Sunday AM we had a good service.  We are in a four-part teaching series about "Starving for Love."  The first week was geared toward the family, the second was about spouse to spouse relationships, this week was about our relationship with the community.  They have all been very good.

Well, I am still reading Jon Katz books, have been really slow at it lately.  To many distractions I suppose.  But I am rather enjoying the books.  I am reading "A Dog Year" now.

Still have a couple more of his to read.  I don't know what I will read next, after I finish all of Katz' books.  I picked up "Clay's Quilt" the other day.  I have intended to read it for years now, but never have gotten to it.  It was written by a guy in Kentucky who lived a couple of counties over from us when we were in Kentucky.  It was actually published when we lived in Kentucky.  When I worked at the library one of the ladies that worked there told me that her daughter worked with him.  He was a mail carrier for the post office.  So I have put it on my to read list for years, but for some reason it always slipped by.  I was in the H section looking for Hosseini, the author of "The Kite Runner" and I found Silas House's book.  So I decided to get it and read it finally.  So I think I will start it next.

Well, I am just rambling more than usual so I will shut up for now.  Maybe next time I will have something more interesting or profound to share...until then I will leave you with a couple of quotes...

Today's Quotes

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.

~Danny Kaye~

Life is the sum of all your choices.

~Albert Camus~

 

Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

~Charles Schulz~

Chicago at the Close of Summer

A trip that almost wasn't; due to weather conditions we ended up in Chicago at the close of summer. It is a trip we will never forget.

I was going through so photos on my computer and I ran across some I had taken in Chicago two years ago. It was the end of summer and we had a trip planned for Florida. However, the week leading up to our trip the weather caused us to change our direction. There was a hurricane in the gulf and they were predicting landfall in Florida during the time we were to be there. So we begin to discuss alternate plans for our family trip.

We discussed flying to San Diego, because the kids really wanted to go to the beach. However, trying to get a last minute flight proved to be an impossible endeavour. Did I mention that our trip would include the Labor Day holiday? Anyway, I was unable to find tickets that would guarantee that we could all sit together on the flights and the prices were more than I wanted to pay...so we begin to discuss where we would like to spend our holiday.

Since getting a flight to anywhere at that late date was out of the question, we got the map out and literally drew a circle that would take us ten hours or less to drive from Little Rock.

Because going south was risking running into hurricane weather, and we've already been south, we decided to go north...Chicago was our pick city.

We drove into Chicago after dark and the lights of the city were beautiful. There was a warm breeze blowing and the city was hustling. I had made reservations at a major hotel at the Magnificent Mile. After getting into our rooms, we ordered some of that famous Chicago Style Pizza for our supper and looked out over the city from our seventh floor suite. We were all tired from the trip but decided to wake early the following day to start our fun.

We spent a few days sightseeing, shopping till we dropped and enjoying the cuisine. We walked all over Chicago, at least our part of it. We logged in quite a few miles on that trip.

On Labor Day evening we walked down to the beach at Lake Michigan to enjoy the sand and water once more. The day after Labor Day the beach closes and the kids go back to school, and Chicagoans get ready for winter.

Being from Louisiana where we are notorious for only two seasons...summer and not summer...I wasn't prepared for the sudden change of weather. It was just as though someone flipped the summer switch off the next day. The evening before we stayed at the beach until about 10:00pm. We walked back to the hotel and down the Magnificent Mile one last time before we were to leave town and it was a wonderful summer night. Warm breezes blew from the water and everyone was dressed in beach wear and flip flops.

The following morning we woke to rain and cold winds. It was as though winter had come while we slept. Driving out of Chicago was a much different trip than driving in. It seemed we had stay much longer than a few days. We came in during the summer time, as we left winter was moving into the city. I suppose Chicagoans are prepared for such weather changes, but for us, we were only prepared for summer weather.

As we drove down the street, people were hailing taxi's dressed in long trench coats, hats and scarves. It felt as though we, in our lightweight clothes and summer shoes, had suddenly been dropped into another world. It felt foreign to me, unlike the place I had come to know and enjoy in the week prior. It reminded me that every place has its good qualities and bad. The day before I was thinking that I could get use to living here, but on that rainy and cold morning, I realized that living there might not be so great after all.

As we drove further south, back toward Little Rock I thought back on the week. If I go back to Chicago, I think I will go again during that same time of year, so that I can once again enjoy the closing days of summer. Only this time I will be prepared.

.

.

Restless Wednesday

The last few days there has been a restlessness about me. I can't seem to settle into the daily routines like I normally do. After being sick for what seemed like a month, we all are feeling much better now. I suppose that might have something do to with the sudden restlessness that has enveloped me as of late.

For so long we were inside and not feeling well, and it was nice to have the haven of home. Wrapping ourselves in Granny's warm quilts and spending long days in our pj's were welcomed activities. While we were sick, those things were nice and comforting, but coming out of the sickness, much like coming out of a long dark tunnel, we are experiencing a bit of "cabin fever." At least I know this to be true of myself. I realized this morning what I was feeling and why I seemed to be discontented and not able to concentrate for long periods of time. I have found that even the task of reading is not an inviting one, as much as I love to read and even though I am in the middle of a very interesting book, I just can't seem to keep my mind there now.

I was looking back through some photographs and found these two. They were both taken last March. We had just come to North Carolina looking for a house to move into and the weather had been bad. We left Little Rock and followed the cold and snow all the way. And true to this type of weather, I had been sick for the whole trip. Eventually ending up in the emergency room at 3 o'clock in the morning.

We weren't having any luck, after days of searching for a place we wanted to live, and being so sick and drug hazed, I wanted nothing more than a reprieve from the stress of everything. The four of us had been staying in a fairly small one room hotel for several nights, spending our days riding around in the car for hours looking at one house after another. Desperately trying to learn the layout of the area and decipher where we wouldn't mind spending the next year and a half of our lives. Noah, who was three at the time, was very restless and tired of being confined, and was especially rowdy and cranky thus adding to the stress of it all. Not getting enough rest and due to the influence of medication I was so worn down, I just wanted to be left alone to sleep. But that wasn't to be, there was work to be done and in short order. The longer it took for us to find a place to live, the less time we would have once back in Little Rock to actually get everything ready for the movers to come pack.

One day we just decided to forgo the usual routine of searching and chose instead to have a "play day." A day for a road trip, to clear our heads and come back refreshed and ready to tackle the task at hand. This was just such a day...

We drove south to Wilmington and then to the coast ending up at Carolina Beach. Driving along the coast road I could smell the ocean. Looking out across the inlet I could see the sails from the boats in their docks. Being a lover of all things nautical, I felt an ease and a sudden peace begin to flood my troubled spirit. I knew that everything would be fine. I relaxed and was comforted.

The sun was warm and the breezes light off the Atlantic. We spent several hours basking in the glow and the warmth. I'll never forget how the sand felt underneath me as I lay there listening to the sound of the ocean waves.

While Andrew and the kids played nearby, I closed my eyes and slept. It was the most wonderful sleep...The warm sun shining down on me, warming my body, but also my soul. I know this sounds strange, but it felt to me as though God was reaching down and healing my body and my spirit. After that day I begin to feel better, we found a house and went back to Little Rock and survived yet another move.

So on this day, almost a year later, the long winter and sickness once again has me in need of some warm sun and ocean breezes. However, since the weather is not cooperating, I suppose just a road trip would do. Someplace I haven't been or rarely go. Something new for my eyes to see; a place to breath different air.

I suppose my nature is such that I often need to kick out of the rut I dig for myself. I can go some time on the same track, but then I reach a breaking point where I have to have a change. It doesn't necessarily need to be a permanent change, but something to break things up a bit.
Something that will help me to change the way I view the rut. Sometimes people get so bogged down in the daily routine they become like a kiddie ride at the carnival. They go round and round on the same track for so long that they see things the same way they always saw them...nothing changes, they stop growing, expanding their minds and lives. They die before they die. They become the walking dead.

I suspect my gypsy ways are a direct result of the fear of that happening to me. I have watched people who day in day out, year in year out, have lived the same lives, driven the same roads, done the same things...I decided long ago that I couldn't live that way. It may be fine for some folks, maybe that is the life that fulfills them, makes them happy. Not me, I would wither away, shrivel up and become a shell of myself. My creativity would dry up and turn to dust. Change is for me a way to recharge to view things from a different prospective. A way to open my eyes and really see again. Change has become my best friend; my closest companion. I seek it out, need it and desire it regularly. Without it, I could not exist...it is just a part of who I am.

Some people would see that as a character flaw, and I would not deny that perhaps it is one. But just as some people seek security and routine, I desire change, new places, new territory, new challenges, new prospectives. Perhaps it is just part of my nature, my personality, a part of me that was shaped by some event in my past. But I think it is just the way I was wired. An extention of the same nature in us that causes some people to like some things and detest others. What we call our preferences...

I know often times our lives become such that we are no longer free to indulge our preferences. But in the midst of living a responsible life, finding little things that bring life back into our rut; give us a new outlook, a new attitude; can be a welcome respite.

Due to the weather and prior appointments, I will not be taking a road trip this week, but I am looking at and planning one for the very near future. Something to shake up the daily grind and blow some refreshing breezes through my staid routine.

Winter Blast

Dispatches from the homefront
A Pictorial

Wordless Wednesday

Post Alley

Seattle, Washington '08